Mark of the Beast

NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.

Anyone who has read my blog for some time is aware of how much I despise Apple, Inc. But why? I'm sure that everyone in the world is so fascinated by this question that it keeps them up long nights when they could otherwise be dreaming up brilliant new innovations or creative works, so for the sake of the future, I will reveal why.

Most people I meet ask me, "Aren't you a computer graphics major? Shouldn't you love Apple products, Macintosh computers in particular, as well?" Well, what they don't understand is that I've come upon a discovery so secret and mind-blowing, that it shakes the very fabric of all we know.

Steve Jobs is the anti-Christ.

Oh, you don't think so? Well, let me explain.

Steve Jobs founded what company? That's right, Apple. What was Adam and Eve originally fooled into eating my Satan? That's right, an apple! See where I'm going?

Then, on top of that, Steve Job's full name is Steven Paul Jobs III. What does the three stand for? Three sixes! 666!

Of course, any rational human being would by now see that he's the anti-Christ, but there's more! I'm sure that we're all aware of those Mac vs PC ads.



Well, the Bible states clearly that the anti-Christ will try to fool the public by leading them astray by what's "cool." What's cooler than an Apple product? iPod, iPhone... all it needs is a console (iPlay? Probably?) to make Apple a meddler in everything popular.



And, finally, what is it that the Bible says about the anti-Christ? Well, that he will try to fool people into wearing his mark. And what mark is that?



That's right. THE mark. It is a shame that even the newborn have been cursed with this evil mark, for, as the Bible tells us, those who wear the mark will never make it into heaven.

Some may point out how much I love WALL-E, which is full of Apple products/references, and EVE in particular, whose design is obviously inspired by Apple. To that, I meekly state that I don't actually support the anti-Christ, I'm just a fan of some of his work.

By the way, I recommend their latest product, which was a big help in creating this article: