So, I was just browsing Youtube today, looking for something of interest to make a post about, when I stumbled upon a goldmine of videos. Specifically, the work of Jan Švankmajer, the Czech surrealist artist, which ranges from works of clay, to food, to rocks, to ordinary every-day items. I was stunned by the amazing videos. His attention to detail, expertise in animation, and ability to portray an emotional message is truly astounding. Now, folks, THIS is art. Some contains nudity, sexual suggestions, and other, darker themes, but all of it is genius, and all leaves one thinking, even if it is with a shudder down one's spine as the dark nature of his animations really seeps in.
Here is a compendium of those videos which I could find on Youtube. The final one, a "trailer" for Alice, Švankmajer's re-interpretation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and the first of a series of surreal movies, also including Faust, Conspirators of Pleasure, Otesánek, and Šílení/Lunacy. I would highly recommend all these movies, and I know that I will personally be looking into purchasing all five, if I can find them. Like the Youtube videos, his movies often contain adult content, so be warned.
NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.
Hard to believe, but the film rights of The Simshave been sold by its creator company, Maxis, to FOX Entertainment for way too much, though I am not sure of the true price. What kind of an idiot would buy the movie rights to this? I am rather disappointed with Maxis founder, Will Wright, for letting this pass. I really figured that he had more understanding of what would pass. Of course, a movie of the Sims may well draw traffic simply from game fans, but what is there really to do in the movie? The game is about different characters living out their lives. How can that possibly be made into a blockbuster? As Scott Weinberg of Cinematical very expertly said,
Imagine a live-action 90-minute movie in which all the characters do is lounge around the house, take a few showers, pee a lot, cook food, call people, wash toilets, work out, buy furniture, pee some more, woo neighbors, put out fires, dance strangely, collect mail, pee once more, read a book, and then walk outside yelling Buuu-fwoobadooo-mWAH! to anyone within earshot. Sound like fun?
Unless one actually created a machinima using the Sims (which has been done, with mixed results), I can't see how one would tie anything game-related into a video. The Sims is so far removed from a movie, they are like James Bond and George Bush. The whole point of the game is that there are no goals, no plot, no real rules; you do what you want. In other words, you play out a life. How is that any different from what practically every movie has been doing since drama was first created? What will indicate that the movie has any relation to the game, unless it shows an entire family living out their individual lives with the camera switching between their different worlds depending on who has a selection diamond floating over their head?
NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.
According to various articles permeating the web like cancer in the blood, Halo 2 is being delayed for its release on PC (Vista-only, while the console-whores are all basking in the glow of Halo 3's Beta), due to a glitch that can cause the ass of a (male) soldier to become visible, thus earning it a "partial nudity" rating from ESRB, much to Microsoft and Bungee's horror. Although I cannot be sure, my guess is that each model is a simple mannequin with the models of clothing superposed over the top of the body model, thus this error occurring when the buttocks of the mannequin below is somehow pushed out past the clothing model and thus made visible (or so would be my assumption). I cannot help but roll my eyes at this, since it's not like cartoons haven't been displaying bare asses for at least a decade, and who would want to tweak this patch in order to see more man ass, anyway? Seeing as it is a bug, the body below is obviously without textured or graphic detail, so it would only be the existence of the buns that would be controversial. True, it's an annoying and, perhaps, amusing bug, but not something to get all anal about, if you'll forgive the pun.
It has come to our attention that an unfortunate, obscure content error which includes partial nudity was included in our initial production of Halo 2 for Windows Vista. As such, we have updated the initial game packaging at retailers with a label, so customers are aware before purchasing the game. Additionally, we've developed an online update which can be downloaded from www.halo2.com to remove the content.
Yes, indeed; let us get away from this horrid show of the buttocks so that we can get back to the oh-so-moral game of slaughtering mercilessly. As South Park once so truthfully stated, people only worry about violence until there's something sexual for them to complain about.
Ironically, VG Cats may have been more right than they knew when this comic about the Hot Coffee mod was made.
UPDATE: Apparently, the partial nudity wasn't an error, but intentionally added in jest, according to this article. Really, someone should fire whoever did that for being a total moron. Aside from the sake of making Halo 2 the butt end of jokes such as this, the humor has cost thousands, if not millions, of dollars in complication control.
What can I say? Well, little, seeing as I haven't found much of particular interest over the past couple of days, as well as being quite busy playing through Starcraft (for the first time without cheat codes) after hearing the exciting news of a Starcraft II. After having looked back, I have to say that I hope the change to a 3D graphics engine, what with all the over-saturated colors and bloom effects, doesn't distract from the game itself. As for the interface, it seems about the same, though it is a bit of a disappointment that the Protoss GUI looks as drab as ever, at least compared to what detail the Terran GUI has (though, admittedly, they have spiced it up quite a bit). Aside from the obvious reordering of buttons to allow for more, probably done in a large part to make room for the individual building icons, the menu has been moved, becoming tabs on the upper-left hand corner, as opposed to a single button just above the unit portrait. Now, I obviously have not had a chance to try this out, but at first glance, I'm not so hot on the idea, primarily because the labels on the buttons, as well as the buttons themselves, are rather difficult to read in front of the bright background. On the other hand, all three minimap toggles, including terrain on/off, team on/off, and another one that I can't identify off-hand, are right there, as opposed to just the single terrain toggle, with all others having to be done via hotkeys.
Getting off Starcraft, Youtube has given an award to one FinserSteele for the Lejo DJ video (seen below) that he posted. I cannot help but snort, since I have seen Lejo long before this, and then the guy who posted the video isn't even Lejo's creator, nor did he give true credits. Whiny of me? Perhaps, since I got chewed out for reposting some French videos explaining two 18th century automatons.
I was very pleased to find that Comedy Central had a full (or at least nearly-full) listing of Colbert Report's Better Know a District episodes (link), though I must say that their video flashware is crap; I had to watch a 32-second commercial about some new car, and not even a good commercial, at that. It only took five views to make me groan at the annoying song playing, and by the twentieth time I heard it, my brains were leaking from the corners of my mouth as I stared at the screen in a stupefied half-coma. Of course, for this comedy gold, it's more than worth it. Who needs those extra few pints of gray matter, anyway?
NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.
That's right, Intel has finally answered the world's problems by creating new, lead-free processors. Now, when you find yourself particularly hungry for chips after your local convenience store's closing time, you can simply munch on a Xeon, and still feel safe in know that, although the silicon will cut up your intestines like Jack the Ripper on a good day, you won't become (more) retarded from lead poisoning. Thanks, Intel, for being environmentally-friendly!
NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.
I am dreading the day when we run out of good books to base movies off of. Either people will be forced to be creative once more, or they will take the next step and begin making movies off video games, comics, and even theme parks!
Oh, wait...
This is a compilation of a few thoughts concerning various movies that have recently come out, or are scheduled to come out (though not necessarily in the near future).
Spiderman 3: Although I liked the first, and didn't mind the second, the third was, in my mind, hardly deserving of the record-breaking blockbuster sales that it earned. Plots were face-paced and cheesy (come on; some random scientific test that made a dirt devil created the Sandman?), while dull, overly emotional scenes were drawn out to a painful point. Practically every major character in the movie was dedicated at least a full minute of sob-scene, in which the camera slowly panned in on their face, and an oh-so-emotional tear rolled down their cheek. That, and Mary-Jane is a cheating skank who doesn't know what she wants in a relationship. Hell, none of them seem to know what they are doing, and are all emotion-driven children with weak egos and fragile self-esteem.
Shrek 3: "Hey, we took fairytales and twisted them into a humorous movie, then we managed to expand upon the success of the first by introducing deeper plots and a host of new characters. Let's now do the same thing that we did in the second one, while reheating old jokes and humorously portraying the already over-portrayed world of exaggerated teenage culture and ride the waves of success as old fans are suckered into paying for it!" - from the mind of Shrek 3's producers.
Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Since it has not yet come out, there is little to say about its actual quality, though the trailer looks rather promising. The first was an instant classic; a clever, yet humorous tale that twists about the concept of a filth-ridden, thieving, smelly pirate into a protagonist with some purpose. The second expands, as it should, with more enemies, bigger stakes, allies that were once enemies, blah blah, that whole deal, though it turned out well, in my opinion, with yet more amusing antics, fascinating action, and impressive special effects to boot. Let us just hope that the third is able to provide a rational explanation for the return of a supposedly dead antagonist and protagonist (Captain Hector Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow, respectively), as well as seamlessly explain the sudden joining of the various "evil" forces that threaten the "good life" of plundering ships and sending their crews to their deaths. Oh, and on a side note, Jack is not "so sexy." He's filthy, smelly, an alcoholic, a thief, a liar, and a bit on the crazy side. What's to find attractive?
I will comment more on Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End once I have actually seen it. As for two other movies that I would like to mention, Halo and Warcraft, I am hoping that their respective companies, Microsoft and Blizzard, know full well what they are doing, but let us just hope that the writers and directors know how to accurately depict their "epic" storylines in video form. Since both are to be live-action, I just hope and pray that we don't end up with some career-whoring piece of crap, like so many have become. I want actors (that know what they are doing, of course) whom I don't readily recognize in pop culture to play the main parts, or else these powerful storyplot-based movies will be only reflections of the success of others. The Rock as Master Chief, or Orlando Bloom as a night elf would just completely spoil the illusion of things being unique to their respective worlds. I would personally prefer it if both were completely CG, Warcraft in particular (seeing as I've grown accustomed to their fantastic portrayal of their various worlds in stunningly photo-realistic cinematics), but since that will not be the case, the best I can hope for is an illusion of the style I am used to, and to do that, I will have to be separated from reality.
UPDATE: Shrek the Third has apparently made it to #1 in the box office, and taken the place of #3 in the list of highest-grossing movies of all time (Spiderman 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean 2 taking first and second, respective). Note: that doesn't make it any less stupid.
A sequel to what, in my opinion, is the best RTS game of all time, Starcraft, has been finally announced! Starcraft II is coming! Blizzard unveiled their plans to create a sequel to this award-winning game in Korea, at Seoul's Olympic Stadium. To my relief, they have NOT changed from the beloved realistic style (albeit via a 3D rendering engine) that so won me over in the original and expansion pack (though, in that case, via 2D sprite animations), Brood War, rather than using the cartoony 3D engine displayed in Warcraft III. Instead, they have added some amazing shine to an already-proved design, with prettier graphics, new units, new strategies, and, of course, a new storyplot, set four years after the ending of the Brood War story.
I must admit, this news leaves me a bit teary-eyed with joy. Even the official website for the game is, as with its predecessors, a beauty to behold. In a sudden burst of information, Blizzard has left me stunned with their beautiful screenshots, showing that the game is quite well on its way, in addition to some gameplay movies, wallpapers, and much more. Hell, they've even got a Tychus Findlay statue for order, if you're willing to dish out 250 bucks to celebrate this momentous occasion.
Thankfully, the game will be released with compatibility to both XP and Vista (as well as Mac), much to my relief, since I am not quite ready to take the next step and upgrade my OS just yet. As for system requirements, they have not been specified as of yet, but the intention is to make it as diversely-compatible (for PC--take that, console-whores) as possible, while still allowing for the maximum in visual beauty (yet the focus is on "fast-paced" special effects, so that they do not distract from the gameplay itself). According to Inside Mac Games, the intention is to focus on resource management, as was the case with previous Starcraft games, as opposed to the micromanagement that came with Warcraft III and its multitude of heroes and special unit abilities. I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Blizzard knows fully well what they are doing, and that Starcraft won't become "Warcraft in space."
As for Starcraft Ghost, I would say that it is quite safe to assume that it is dead and gone for good. Blizzard has a history of being quite picky with their released products (as was shown when they canceled a Warcraft game at the last minute in favor of Starcraft, back in the late 1990s because the Warcraft game "didn't stand up to company standards"), something that truly sets them apart as a gaming company. Their fearlessness in slashing games that just wouldn't make it, even after such games are fully ready for release, is something that many other gaming companies should take note of. On the other hand, it's a shame that we won't see how this turned out.
Frankly, when I heard that Blizzard would be announcing its new game during this conference some weeks ago, I rather suspected that the big surprise would be a Starcraft II (Tim of Ctrl+Alt+Del comments on this). I must admit, however, that I didn't at all expect what would be shown to be so well-polished. If I had to guess, I would say that the game will be released in 2008, riding on the campaign of revisiting the Starcraft universe after a decade (since both the original and its expansion came out in 1998). Now I have something else to look forward to aside from Spore, Bioshock, and Halo 3.
