Brief Update

So I'm, like, totally going to build a brand new gaming computer that will put its foot in the balls of any game out there. Hopefully then, I'll have the power to record myself playing Mass Effect with FRAPS and write an excessively extensive cheese and whine article about it. In the meantime, I may go over Batman Returns, the Tim Burton movie that at least one friend swears is one of the best movies evah. I'll point out why it's a campy piece of trash.

Stay tuned!

A+B+DOWN WITH SANITY!

Recently, I've been playing the classic Pokemon Blue on an emulator, reliving the few hours I enjoyed it as a child (usually by inviting over friends who had it, then ignoring them the entire time). During this period, I found this little number:



Huh. Does pressing A+B+DOWN assist in capturing the Pokemon? I'd never heard of this.

Having had the pleasure of bunking on the same floor as some noisy Pokemon fans in college, I decided to contact one of them and ask if this was some game function I didn't know about. The following is our conversation, complete with additional commentary by yours truly.

Me: Does A+B+down assist in catching pokemon?
Him [pretending to be a Buddhist monk, I guess]: the answer to that question can't be explained to someone who doesnt aleady know it
Him [being excessively poetic, as usual]: it's like asking me to define love
Me [confounded]: Whaaat?
Me [a bit annoyed]: Does it or not?
Him [adding to the madness]: it's not a yes or no question
Me [further confounded]: How is it not?
Me [and yet more annoyed]: Yes, it does make a difference, or no, it doesn't.
Him: see
Him [being wrong]: i know you don't keep chat logs
Him [referencing similar debates in the past]: but remember when i explained to you that you have no sense of subtlety?
Me [pondering this very post]: I do, I just don't read them unless I want to remember something I've said that is important.
Me [trying to make sense of this mess]: Yeah. You mean you're subtly joking?
Him: no
Him [being all poetic again]: i mean this is a gray
Him [further poetic mumbo-jumbo]: not a black or a white
Me: Graugh!
Him [being cryptic]: it is not a yes or no question
Me [quite annoyed at this point]: You know what? I'm going to try to catch a pokemon, press A+B+DOWN, and see if I notice any difference.
Him: you wont
Him [more cryptic words]: because you dont understand
Me [beginning to grin crazily out of frustration]: Then explain.
Him: i told you
Him [being rather pretentious]: you can't explain this to someone who doesnt understand
Me [chortling insanely]: You're trying to make me go nuts, aren't you? It's working. I'm beginning to laugh maniacally.
Me [randomly]: These grapes I'm eating taste like chokecherries.
Him [lying, I'd surmise]: no i'm not trying to make you nuts
Him [being quite accurate]: you dont understand
Him [being quite mistaken]: and it cant be explained
Me: Only because you make no sense.
Him [more crypticness]: you should be able to accept it
Me [trying to use reason]: How is there anything at all about a game that's beyond understanding and explanation?
Him: there you go again
Him [more poetic insanity]: demanding black and white

Okay, at this point I was willing to write him off as just being a little broken. He always did act a bit... odd when I spoke to him, always tagging mysterious, pointless poetry onto every normal topic, until I started asking other people on my contact list. Turns out, all who were into Pokemon says that he had it exactly right. They agreed that it's this big spiritualistic thing beyond understanding and explanation! What the hell?

So, after a bit of research (namely, looking at Scott's comment below the comic), I surmised that it is an alleged cheat code that probably doesn't actually work, but makes one feel like it does, kind of like blowing on dice before throwing them. I proposed this, and they all said it's nothing at all like that. One even claimed that, quote, "its something beyond reality dude."

Huh? Okay, let me see if I have this right. All these Pokemon players believe that pressing a fucking gameboy button combination transcends reality in order to make some purposeful change in their favor? Are these people downright insane?! I'm not a particularly faithful individual. I like things that can be explained, and, as far as I'm concerned, things that have no logical explanation merely have one that has yet to be discovered. This... mess absolutely blows my mind by how nuts it sounds. Does playing Pokemon cause your brain to melt?! God, I'm glad I never got into that game.

Seriously, it's a goddamn good luck charm. Why do these people insist on making it sound like some kind of fucking Free Masons ritual? Maybe now, after venting all this out, I can finally cool down. Let me tell you, I thought I was going to burst with my frustrated bewilderment. This is why I'm not religious or spiritualistic; it opens you up to things like this.