An Article From the Future

NOTE: This article contains satire and is not to be taken seriously.

Those interested in the products of Apple, Inc. will be happy to know that they've decided to put their finger in the metaphorical pie of various other industries, bringing their sharp marketing policies and brilliant development to more areas of our lives.

The first of these product lines is the iPlay, a new console system by Apple.



As Apple's motto goes, "Simple." The iPlay is a hand-held console/controller with all the functionality of a modern Xbox 360 or Wii built right into the controller itself! To function, simply supply the necessary eight D-cell batteries for the controller, connect its signal transmitter to your television, and enjoy!

How does one play? Well, through Apple's new iGame store, you can pay to play! Each game is a mere 99 cents each time you play, so you have the game that you want, when you want it, without the hassle of DVDs. Plus, Apple's brilliant design keeps the controller itself so simple, a severely retarded ape could get the hang of it! The controller features but a single analog stick, power toggle, and control button. It doesn't get any simpler than that!

Next, we'd like to introduce Apple's step into the world of appliances.

The first in a line of products is the new iSuck wireless vacuum cleaner. Just look at the simple elegance that screams "future!" With patented filtering and cleansing technologies, you'll not only be able to clean wherever you need in less time, but you'll also look like a true Mac fanatic whilst doing so!

Coming soon are such brilliant products as the iBlow rotary fans, iCook ovens/microwaves, iWash sinks/dishwashers, iLight lamps/bulbs, and iPoo toilets. You'll be seeing more and more of Apple around in the near future, and we can all agree that's a good thing.

Some have raised the complaint that Apple is practically monopolizing every market out there, but we dismiss that claim with the simple fact that Apple doesn't quite control the entire world yet, but rest assured that we'll all be united under the great apple soon enough!



UPDATE: iPWNED